Talking with Your Children about Death and Your Living Will

Why Discussing Death is Important

Having conversations with your children about death can feel uncomfortable, but it is an important topic that should not be avoided. Discussing death openly and honestly helps children understand it as a natural part of life and prepares them for the inevitable losses they will experience.

It Provides Comfort and Understanding

Talking about death demystifies it and takes away some of the fear surrounding it. Children often have misconceptions about death that can cause anxiety. Discussing it provides them with clarity and a basic understanding. Knowing death is permanent and universal can be comforting for kids.

It Opens Lines of Communication

Keeping discussions about death open establishes it as a normal topic that can be asked and talked about. This makes children more willing to come to you with questions and concerns related to death and dying.

It Prepares Them for Loss

Sadly, experiencing the loss of a loved one is an inevitable part of life. Talking to your kids about death ahead of time and explaining what to expect helps them cope better when they do experience a loss.

Tips for Discussing Death with Your Children

Here are some tips to help guide conversations about death with your kids:

Use Concrete Terms

Use clear language like “died” and “dead” rather than euphemisms like “went to sleep” or “passed away” which can be confusing. Explain that dead means the body has stopped working and the person cannot think or feel anymore.

Be Honest

Answer questions directly and honestly, but keep details simple and appropriate for their age. Do not shy away from saying you don’t know the answers to certain questions.

Allow Them to Participate in Rituals

Funerals, memorials, and other rituals can help provide closure and understanding for children. Allow them to take part in remembrance activities.

Encourage Expression

Let children express their feelings through talking, drawing, play, etc. Share your own feelings as examples of healthy expression.

Reassure Them

Reassure children that you are healthy and plan to live a long time. Ensure them they will be cared for if anything did happen to you.

Discussing Your Living Will

One important death-related topic to discuss with your children is your living will or advance healthcare directive. A living will explains your wishes for medical care if you become terminally ill or incapacitated. Here are some tips for talking to your children about your living will:

• Explain what a living will is and its purpose in simple terms
• Share your preferences, such as not wanting extreme measures to prolong your life
• Reassure them that your wish is to avoid suffering, not to abandon them
• Let them know who you have designated to make decisions on your behalf
• Inform them who will care for them if you become unable to do so
• Encourage them to ask questions and express their feelings
• Consider including them in the process of creating your living will

Open communication about death allows you to provide your children with knowledge and comfort to help them grapple with and understand this complex concept. Discussing your own mortality and living will gives them clarity regarding your preferences and prepares them to deal with your eventual passing in a healthy way.

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